Another little confession

Dear whoever, whenever, however:

Here's another little confession about me. Ever since little days I can't keep my eyes closed very long when I'm all alone and water's going. Like in the shower... I used to scrub like the wind to get my hair clean so I wouldn't have to keep my eyes closed. I've since gotten better. But now when I wash my face each night, I have to squint one eye open when I can no longer stand it. I'll have my eyes closed and feel so vulnerable. The thoughts penetrate my thoughts: There's someone coming. There's someone behind you. He's just staring at you. No. No. You're fine. No one's there. Then there will be a creak from some spot in the house and I can't take it anymore. Who cares if soap gets in my eye! I will not be the prey to some lunatic in my house. It's funny that the real crazy person is the one wincing and squinting in pain with soap suds all over her face.

I'm starting to think that I take that approach to a lot of things in life, subconsciously of course. I always have one eye open just in case that scary man is creeping up on me, ready to stare at me when I look up again. More later..maybe