long, painful nights

For nearly 7 months now, many nights are long, painful nights. It has been a humbling-smacking my pride over the head repeatedley and trying to get the message- experience. All my life I have been healthy. I have been strong. I have been energetic. I have been able.

Pain, so much pain. I can't help but wonder if my healthy days are done. I am the weakest I have been in my entire life. The pain gets so excruciating that I can't even gather my thoughts or breathe. My body is constantly exhausted because of how much pain with which I am trying to deal. A retired heart surgeon once asked me why I talk about my body like it is something completely separate from me. He inquired with a lifted brow and underlying tone that seemed to say, "What really is your problem?" I'd like to know the answer to that too! Until then, to answer his question, I stated that I try to be in tune with my body, being able to understand what is going on physically and biologically.

I don't want to leave my answer at, "I hurt." I want to say, "I feel intense pain in my upper stomach region. It is sharp and a constant stab. I get nauseous, I get weak, my body starts to shake. I have also noticed sharp pangs on the right hand side below the rib cage and irregular function of my digestive system."

I took my health for granted. I am going to do everything I possibly can to get it back. 

 

Posted via email from soundslikecindy's posterous