"things" of love...

No. No. I am not in love. But "things of love" include those little butterflies, the twists in the stomach, the attraction. The desire, the wants, the wishes. Somehow I find myself in a situation where I am feeling a lot of those things more strongly. Funny enough, they are feelings for someone who has been attracted to me for a very long time. And now that I am drawn to him he is retreating! Ironies of life... Habituals of life. He makes me a little crazy. He also makes me a little pathetic. I don't know that I like that or want that.

But then why do I want him?

Who knows.. maybe it's because I have been "boy-less" for an extended period of time. I haven't had a boyfriend for 3 years. I have been in a steady dating scenario for over a year. And then here comes this guy that spoils me and sweeps me off my feet and tells me how long he's wanted me. Maybe he makes me a little crazy because I'm trying to make him fit. And the truth is he doesn't really fit. Especially when someone else already does. 

But even that is crazy! I don't even really know him... only through letters. But even through letters I feel something for him. So bizarre. Not going into it. Only time will tell there. 

Why does love make us stupid? Why does love make us amazing? Love truly is the greatest motivator. Especially when it is the purest form of love: Charity. The pure love of Christ. It is a selfless love. It is a blissful, peaceful love. It requires action and understanding. That's what I really want. And it is worth the wait. It is also worth the search... And the pain and craziness.

When I keep things in perspective, my craziness subsides. So I'll keep practicing and working on it. Not the most appealing thing I have to offer... not even really me, to  be honest. It's more of a defense mecahnism. So! In reality, I have to let myself be vulnerable and exposed. Blah. Ok.... I'll work on that too. 

In other news, my shoulder is recovering pretty well.... Still sore and tender but that is to be expected. I'm grateful I'm as functional as I am... I just miss exercise. ESPECIALLY running. Sigh... soon. Very soon. Below some pictures... One of me before surgery and after... love those... I think I look funny. Even post-op I can make funny faces. And of me... and the things I do for the "things" of love... I am a silly girl. But that's ok. :) 

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